Chapter 4 continued

When I wrote Behind the Signs, just being able to express my thoughts and memories without actually telling someone face-to-face helped immensely, although trying to explain to others what it was actually like to be homeless only seemed to make the eggshell scenario worse. Here’s why: When I speak to others in person about the years I spent homeless, most people try to put themselves in my shoes, with good intentions of course. Even at that, a large percentage of these persons always seem to think they have a ‘leg up’ on what it was actually like. Those individuals believe that their own personal experiences are equal to or worse than the hardships I went through. Those persons generally come at me with responses like; I know what it’s like. When I was a kid…

Sorry folks. Unless you've lived it, there is no way you can know what challenges one must face and what it is actually like to exist in that miserable lifestyle.

Walking on eggshells goes hand in hand with social phobia as I mentioned before. Much of the social phobia stems from the shame of other people seeing me on the streets, knowing what my life was like before it fell to pieces. This condition is described as: Fear of embarrassment before people.

Walking on eggshells continued to get worse, not better, as I knuckled down and really went to work writing Behind the Signs. I joined several on-line author clubs and internet communities, looking on tips on finding publishers and the proper way to write a book. One of the most important things I learned from these groups and author chat rooms is to develop a social network profile.

These days there are several social networks that are free for anyone to use, the largest at this time being Facebook. One publisher in particular that I contacted about possibly publishing Behind the Signs strongly suggested that I keep my online profile spotlessly clean.

Her words are forever embedded in my mind; “Stay away from political and religious subject matter and get rid of any online friends that repeatedly post vulgar or subjective comments. Do not allow foul language or anything that might offend anyone. Bottom line, as a publisher, I know this for a fact. We WILL Google you, I guarantee it!”

That advice didn’t only change the way I govern my social media activities, it also drifted into daily life. There went another carton of eggshells dumped at my feet. This is a different variety of shells but the crunch experience is the same. To this day I try to tread very lightly, taking every step with caution, as to not break even one shell.

Dealing with social phobia was the most severe during the first three or four years after I was off the streets and piecing my life back together. I found that while writing Behind the Signs and announcing my progress on social networks and creating a blog plus a website helped tremendously. When people began conversations with me through Facebook, chat rooms, and my website via email, I answered each question as honestly as I could. I found that most people don’t really know what to say or how to react. I guess I put some eggshells in front of those persons. My intentions are not to make anyone uncomfortable, just let the truth be known.